Sammon Says – Schizophrenia Pros and Cons

sammon-fish-logoSchizophrenia is much more than just being a screwed-up psychopathic basket nutcase. There are positive aspects too. What are the pros and cons?

First of all, if you’re schizophrenic, you have paranoid delusions of “persecution.” In other words, you think everybody is out to get you. Let me reassure you if you think this. I can tell you, there really are people out to get you. Your boss probably. And maybe your wife. When you earn money, your wife takes it and spends it, right?

You don’t.

Having people out to get you makes life more interesting. What if nobody cared? Is being invisible fun? Noooo!

Delusions of reference. This is where you think everything going on around you is directed at you. For example, the TV and radio are sending you messages, or people talking in a hushed group nearby where you can’t hear are talking about you behind your back. A con is that they’re probably saying nasty things about you. A pro is that if you’re important enough to attack, you must be very important indeed.

The more important you are, the more people hate you. Tell yourself this. This should make you feel important. A plus.

Another symptom is the false belief that you have a terrible illness without proof, in other words, you’re a hypochondriac. A con here is that every time you have an ache or pain, beads of sweat will break out on your forehead, and you’ll tremble and assume the worst. A pro is that because you’re convinced you’re seriously ill, you can demand and get others to do things for you, because you’re ill. Make dinner for me. Make the bed. I’m sick, you know. Take out the garbage. I’d normally do it, but I’m sick. Feel sorry for me. I’m sick.

This can be very comforting and make life easier.

Yet another symptom of schitzo is the delusion of grandeur. This is related to feeling important as mentioned above. You believe you are a very special person. Gee! This must be a negative, a con. I wouldn’t want to believe I’m special, even though Mister Rogers told me on a TV kiddie show for years that I was. I’ve always wanted to be a nobody. Let Paul McCartney believe he’s somebody special. He’s a schitzo.

Other symptoms of schizophrenia are disorganized and slow thinking. I think we can throw this one aside and just chalk it up to the fact that you’re stupid. You can’t help that.

Yet another example is seeing, smelling, or hearing things that others can’t hear, see, or smell. A con is that if you have these, you may be schizophrenic. A pro is that if you can do these…YOU MAY IN FACT BE GOD………AND DON’T YET KNOW IT! Wouldn’t that be something? You can now go up to your boss and say confidently, “Keep it up, Bozo. Just keep it up. I’m going to fry your rear with a lightning bolt, or sick a bunch of locusts on you, or turn the water in your shower red.”

That’s could be a real pro.

Let’s say a woman in your office tells you that you smell bad. But you can’t smell anything bad on you. You’re both schizophrenics, she because she can smell things that aren’t there, and you, because you believe she’s persecuting you.

Finally, schitzos have difficulty understanding. They have poor concentration, poor memory, difficulty expressing thoughts, difficulty integrating thoughts, feelings, and behavior. C’mon! How bad can this be? Our entire United States Congress acts this way. They got elected, didn’t they? That’s all that matters.

That’s got to be a pro. Schizophrenia is therefore not nearly as bad as it sounds.

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