Hooked on eBay

I’m so tired I can’t hold my eyes open, but I can’t fall asleep. I might miss my final bid on eBay. It all started about a week ago when I decided that a turquoise-and-silver necklace would be a nice accessory to have.I put “buy turquoise necklace” in a search engine and eventually found myself on eBay. I was a bit familiar with eBay as I’ve bought a few things there before; but I always lose when I bid, and it seems to be too much trouble and easier just to buy things elsewhere.

But I found this necklace that I loved! I had to have it, so I bid on it. And while I was waiting to see if I won, I found some other pretty things, so I bid on them too. Then someone outbid me and I had to bid again.

I had it-auction fever.

I was bidding on things left and right. I couldn’t let someone else outbid me, could I? I was bidding on things I didn’t even want, then praying someone would outbid me so I wouldn’t have to buy them. Of course, if you really don’t want something, usually no one else does either.

My “watch” list was getting longer and longer, and my sleep time shorter and shorter. Just when I thought I was going to win, someone would jump in at the final moment and outbid me.

So that’s the way they want to play, huh?

Well, two could play this game! I quickly learned how the auction game works. I could swoop in and bid at the last minute too. How I hate that red X that says, “You have been outbid.”

I began to receive emails from eBay, so many I couldn’t read them all. “You have been outbid, act now.” “You have only a few hours left.” “Sorry, you have been outbid.” And occasionally, “Congratulations, you have won this item.”

The problem with winning is that you also have to “Pay the seller now.”

I had items in my “win” list, items in my “lost” list, items in my “watch” list, and was wishing for a “who gives a flip” list. I was really getting tired of all this, but I was obsessed and couldn’t quit looking. And when I looked, I always found something I wanted.
Everything was so cheap! That is, if you didn’t consider the shipping costs, which are usually high, as that is a way the seller assures that they will make a profit, regardless of the amount the item sells for.

If I could only stay awake long enough to wait until the auction closed on an item, maybe I could get it cheap. Why is it that all the good stuff closes in the middle of the night? Day after day with only three hours of sleep per night was beginning to wear on me.

Then items I “won” began to come in the mail. It wasn’t expensive stuff, just cheap semi-precious stones or vintage items that had caught my eye. Of course, I didn’t really win anything. I bought and paid for it.

When you buy enough cheap stuff, it still begins to add up. My mad money in my PayPal account was dwindling faster than my ability to resist. One more look at the closing auctions, one more item added to my watch list, one more dollar to outbid that vicious person trying to outbid me. Where does it all end?

I’ve got a bunch of junk coming in the mail every day now-everything but the turquoise necklace, of course. I’m seeing red X’s everywhere I look-or is that just the inside of my exhausted eyeballs?

There must be a self-help organization for auction addicts. If there is such an organization, however, somebody is probably trying to sell memberships on eBay.

Wonder how high the bid is?

Copyright 2008 Sheila Moss
www.humorcolumnist.com

Posted in Sheila Moss

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