Getting Old…

February 29, 2024
2 mins read

There is a new site for senior citizen dating.

It’s called “I’ve fallen in love and I can’t get up.”

Santa Cruz comic Richard Stockton gets a gig to perform at the Carmel Foundation.

Soon he notices that most of the old people there are pretty out of it so he tells the same joke twice and people still laugh because they already forgot that they just heard it.
He gets a kick out of it and keeps telling the same joke for the duration of his show and towards the end of it, he notices that one old guy is staring at him.
Stockton is a bit nervous that the old guy is going to confront him about what he just did. As he braced himself the old guy asked, “How do you remember all those jokes?”

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true that the medication you prescribed to me has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering just how serious my condition is because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.” 

When an old person farts, it’s a blast from the past.

Internal medicine physician, Richard King says to his patient, ‘I’ll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.’
The old man says, ‘What?’ 
So the doctor repeats himself in a louder tone, ‘I’ll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.’ 
With that the old man’s wife turns to her husband and says, ‘He needs a pair of your underwear’.

What do you call an old person with really good hearing?

Deaf defying.

A couple of guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to a dentist for a new set of dentures.
His buddy remarked that he too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job?”
The second oldster replied, “Well, let me put it this way, I was on the golf course last week when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 100 mph when it slammed me right in the groin.”
The first guy was confused and asked, “What does that have to do with your dentures?”
“It was the first time in two years my dentures didn’t hurt!”

What’s an old person’s underwear taste like?

Depends

A 90 year old Salinas farmer goes to the banker for a loan to buy more land. The banker has some concerns due to his age.
“What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?” The banker asks.
“I’ll send you a check from heaven, because God would want all my obligations taken care of.
“But what if you go the other direction?” the banker queried.
“Then I’ll deliver it to you in person.”

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